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03/14/2014

Is Your Listener's Capacity Overflowing? 7 Questions to Ask Yourself

IStock_000010987814_webLast year while coaching my daughter’s soccer team (she is seven), I realized that I was communicating too much.  The listening capacity of the girls was overflowing.  We covered passing, dribbling, throw-ins, corner kicks, and more.  I was playing the role of the talkative leader and did not have a proper awareness of when their listening “cup” was full.  Contrast that with this last Tuesday when I had one primary focus during practice: triangles (a way to teach passing and moving in soccer).  Most of the girls left practice talking about triangles.  It was far more effective.

While adults have a higher listening capacity than seven year olds, many times we can still take on the role of the overly-talkative leader.  We cause our listener’s capacity to fill up and overflow, either when talking one-on-one or to our business team.  I have had this experience myself when someone is telling me story and after story and making point after point.  All of a sudden I realize that I have glazed over and have not been paying attention, despite my good intention.

Ask yourself these seven questions to determine if you are playing the role of the “overly talkative leader”:

1. Are you asking questions or making statements?

If you are making a lot of statements, this is probably a one-sided conversation.  Start counting how many questions you are asking in a conversation.

2. Are you answering your own questions?

The hardest part about asking a question is to shut up and let the other person answer it.

3. Are you allowing pauses?

For many people, a pause after you have asked a question doesn’t mean that you need to fill it with words.  It means they are collecting their thoughts before answering your question.

4. How many topics did you cover?

Keep it focused and they'll remember it.

5. How many times did you interrupt them?

Once can be excused.  More than once means you are more interested in telling your story.

6. Do you start the conversation with a story or statement without being prompted?

Or do you start by asking a question and listening to the response?

7. Is the body language of the other person changing?

If they start shifting, tapping their fingers, moving eye contact, or a number of other small signs, you are talking too much.  Be aware of these subtle signs.

It is easy to fall into the trap of being an overly talkative leader, especially if your style is more assertive and outgoing.  But that can come across as disrespectful and becomes ineffective with your listeners, just like my daughter's soccer team was not able to soak up my good information.  We can all become more effective communicators and listeners, and raising self-awareness is often the first step.


 
 


 

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