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01/30/2014

5 Things TO Say in a Conflict

Stick_comm_medI recently reviewed 5 Things NOT To Say In A Conflict.  Here are five things that you CAN say in a conflict in order to boost your communication skills.

1.  "Yes, And..."

This is a technique from Improv Theatre that validates you heard what the person just said, and gives you the opportunity to add to the dialogue.  Use this instead of "But."

2.  "This is how I see things...., how do you see them?"

This is a question that will help you discover how the other person is perceiving the situation.  What is the issue?  The entire conflict could be a matter of different perceptions.

3.  "I" / "We"

Use a lot of statements with "I" and "We" in them instead of "You."  This helps to acknowledge your role in the conflict and makes it more collaborative.  Although be careful of "we" - make sure it's not condescending resulting in a "what do you mean we?" response.

4.  "I heard what you said, I'd like to go back, process it, and come back to you in a couple of hours to discuss further."

This is a segway to take a step back and get out of the emotion of the moment before you say anything that will only escalate the tension.

5.  "You're a jerk and I'm tired of trying to collaborate with you.  This is simply how we are going to do it."

OK, just kidding.  Don't say this.  But we know this may be what you really WANT to say!  So...just maybe...you should give yourself time to vent this privately before engaging the other person with alternative healthy dialogue.

Let me know how those work for you!

 


 
 


 

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