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01/10/2014

5 Things NOT to Say in a Conflict

IStock_000017265087_webThe title says it all - here are five things NOT to say when you are communicating in a conflict situation.  And if you find that the tension seems to rise in a conflict instead of cool off, cross-check how you are communicating with these 5 "don'ts":

1.  "But"

"I understand that you feel that way, but..."

"I agree that we need to ....., but..."

You're just completely negated whatever you just said, and put up a barrier that will cause the other person to immediately feel defensive.

2.  "You"

"You really need to calm down."

"You need to talk to John and get a different perspective."

I'm not saying NEVER use "You" - but be very careful about "you statements."  Saying "you" in a conflict often feels to the other person feels like you are pointing your finger at them.

3.  "Calm down"

Does this really ever work?  Ever?  It really just enflames the emotions of the other person and irritates them.

4.  "You shouldn't feel that way" OR "Don't be so emotional"

What I really mean is"I want you to act and be the way that I want you to be."

5.  "Don't take it personally"

Uh-huh.  Conflict is always personal.  That's why it's called conflict - it reaches in and makes us feel something.

Check to see if you are using one of these - most of us do without realizing it!

If you are wondering what to say instead hang on!  I'll give you what TO say in my next post.

 


 
 


 

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